Marbles

And yet...

2009-10-19T14:14:00.002+02:00

My soul is full of winter
decadence and plastic ice
I strive to frame a picture
where you can realise
that I've been here all along
and I haven't lost my mind
though I just keep a handful
of those marbles you gave me last
for us to play in silence
filling the holes of our paths
with colours for the future
of which I'd like to take part.

Present

2009-07-20T00:30:00.001+02:00

I don't know what I'm living,
don't quite know where I belong,
just feeling a little bit uncertain,
how to tell what is right from wrong.

Need to know I'm back on track,
footprints can be finally seen,
would be tough to sweep under this rug,
so much said, so much redeemed.

But days show no remorse,
no views of distant lands,
some language becomes coarse,
all of a sudden, like your demands.

Slowly

2009-07-12T21:55:00.001+02:00

Slowly
I am dying inside
out of reach and out of sight
while seven hours in seven days
leave me watching a distant haze
hoping for some feelings to subside.

Slowly
dawn turns its back to dusk
covers my skin with a lot of dust
clouds loom and cry so hard
one can't avoid feeling scarred
cause the air tastes as we've discussed.

Slowly
time flows by my side
keeps an eye on me, holds me tight
cheers me up when daylight's down
can't complain when no one's around
don't know how to get things right.

Save Me

2009-07-06T21:06:00.002+02:00

This is quite something

2009-06-24T00:13:00.002+02:00

Someone else

2009-06-22T01:28:00.003+02:00

I don't want to be me,
want to fall endlessly,
through a hole in the ground
with a sign pointing down
stating 'here you'll be safe and sound'.

I want to be them,
with no cars and no gems,
with no trying to pretend
there's a beginning, but no end.

How come

2009-05-30T21:01:00.003+02:00

Thinking,
your blessings,
your eyes watching,
my mind drifting
away,
you moving,
giving,
me receiving,
staring,
expecting,
checking,
not thinking,
disappearing,
travelling,
my mind, for a while, blinking,
and, again, thinking
how come loving
is made so easy,
for once,
and desiring,
five minutes to keep writing
your name
in my feelings.

bullet proof...i wish i was

2009-05-20T20:52:00.002+02:00

"Limb by limb and tooth by tooth
Tearing up inside of me.
Everyday, everyhour, wish that I was..
Was bullet proof

Wax me, mould me
Heat the pins and stab them in.
You have turned me into this, just wish that it..
Was bullet proof

So pay me money, and take a shot
Lead fill the hole in me.
I could burst a million bubbles, all surrogate..
& bullet proof (slowdown, slowdown, slowdown)
Bullet proof (slowdown, slowdown, slowdown)"

(Radiohead)

Every once in a while I get this exact funny feeling. Before wishing that, something runs deep, beneath the skin, and it hurts. Badly.

Shifted

2009-05-02T01:00:00.002+02:00

There is a small spot
in this train of thought
where I could travel in time
with just one dime.

And I wish I could,
through a tiny dot
while sitting at night
watching as the light
attaches to your dress, white,
unique, in the empty parking lot.

Draft

2009-04-30T10:07:00.001+02:00

I might just not be there
when you look again at me,
might have been blown away,
alone, as alone one can be.

I do want...

2009-04-09T15:59:00.003+02:00

I want to travel light
leave my luggage on the rack
of that car that just passed by
let it go without a sight.

I wish I was a vessel
lost at the furious black sea,
want to find myself sinking,
drowning as you let me be

in your heart, soul and arms
rocking me as in thin air,
while sand falls from distant clouds
I am no longer in despair.

Bewildered

2009-02-24T23:48:00.001+01:00

Let the pain
go down
slowly,
let it slip
through
your mind,
make way
for melted
reasons,
there really isn't
a lot of time

For me
to find
a fancy,
yet another
eerie
thought,
that appears
has been wrought
by your silence
and the walls

That you build
around
my feelings,
let me out
through one
door,
can't you see that
I'm starving...

It doesn't rain
anymore.

Ugly Love

2009-02-06T16:25:00.001+01:00

Great song.

Branched off

2009-01-30T18:33:00.008+01:00

I dreamt of a thread, winding up in my head,
wrote secretly a truth, thought could have been a sleuth,
did it on the walls, like those days at the stalls
with presence,
and absence,
your essence fills it all.

I listened to the wind, stitches on my skin,
these days life feels so thin, rain keeps coming in,
I can barely hold your token, dare to think a door is open
a few lines,
showing signs,
account now for lost times.

I dreamt of a thread, went back twenty years
the sound of your words, traded my days with tears,
they dried my eyes, but not my soul
which in disguise,
kept this light
to pour in your bowl.

No Mercy

2009-01-12T23:21:00.003+01:00

He looked for faces, in familiar places,
and found his town, turned upside down,
all he cared for was now
a wreckage.

How do we get from one day to the next,
with no water, no light, no gestures,
you know we could've fight that beginning,
and embark on such an adventure,
but some of them chose the language of violence,
and all of them the words of their god
they simply dismissed a challenge
hardly believe they just forgot.

And he wonders why it still keeps spinning
while we sit amidst all these dead
only three hours of misery
after which his life hangs by a thread.
He does not want to keep running,
wants to see his kids fly a kite,
wishes only to hear the good notes
and not the hatred that begins to ignite.

Will it be another addition
to the backyard of our minds
to consent on such a massive carnage
so ferocious it is almost blind.

So as the fools show no mercy
and shouts come from distant lands
hope withers in every corner
as flowers begin to die.

Maybe Sunday

2008-12-21T21:00:00.000+01:00

We throw conversations into phones,
pretend they make us flesh and bone,
it feels my blood has turned to dust,
the air smells like it's full of rust.

As if
there was
some hope,
of life
becoming
to cope
with me.

Remembrance is all we have left,
of days whose nights we took as theft,
fences surround houses next door,
leaves cover feelings I ignore.

My mind
wraps
around,
one idea
full
of sound
for you.

Prompted by my request,
maybe Sunday, was just said,
people take the streets to get,
all sorts
of odds and ends,
all types
of little gems,
keep waiting for some reward,
that maybe I cannot afford.

Fragments

2008-12-02T19:00:00.003+01:00

Fragments of leaves,
chains, light,
fragments of red and brown,
and you are outtasight.

Pieces of me, left,
there,
some guitar riffs,
just tear
the air.

Fragments of life, of days
and nights,
snow covers the roofs,
wonder how we came to say it might.

Fragments of joy,
and a handful of dimes,
would like to give you a call,
don't know where to draw the line.

Fragments of winter,
pieces of us,
a cold draught, december,
you better go, before you miss the bus.

Muzzle of bees

2008-11-26T17:43:00.004+01:00

I was so hooked up by this song this morning while driving I could not avoid posting it here. It almost made me take the wrong exit to work. Awesome. Btw, this is by Jeff Tweedy.

There's a random painted highway

And a muzzle of bees

My sleeves have come unstitched

From climbing your tree

And dogs laugh, some say they're barking

I don't think they're mean

Some people get so frightened

Of the fences in between

And the sun gets passed from tree to tree

Silently, and back to me

With the breeze blown through

Pushed up against the sea

Finally back to me

I'm assuming you got my message

On your machine

I'm assuming you love me

And you know what that means

Sun gets passed, sea to sea

Silently, and back to me

With the breeze blown through

Pushed up above the leaves

With the breeze blown through

My head upon your knee

Half of it's you, half is me

Wish

2008-11-25T18:32:00.009+01:00

One thing I wish for stands out this morning full of dust,
it rests on small details, not easy to describe,
like the way you cast shadows, down at the seaside;
you might wonder whether one can have it
at the front door or where the street ends,
and while the answer to that is not easy to find,
when daylight fades it stirs my mind
to the point where even then it feels like a knife thrust.

This little wish comes from dairy farming up in Killyleagh,
goes round in circles searching for a path which should be straight,

it's been long now since I last saw a naked full moon,

about the same length in time it takes to see some feelings bloom,

and as the air I keep breathing is still thick,

distress invades my mind as a shattered wall of bricks,

it is about time to see the beach in Stranford Lough again,

I guess I should do it, even to ease this pain.

So, in all, my wish becomes an all-purpose

while searches for life, for the lost and found,

reaches a stage where surpasses my senses,

my fate, my mirror, my mind to be sound,

gains depth, width, height, dimension,

wants to be yours without further exception.

Fate

2008-11-16T13:11:00.004+01:00

Fate is a mirror,
for my soul and my sins,
it keeps spinning around,
as if it were to begin
reconciling ups and downs,
stretching out the time
we have left to live...

Fate is my truth,
my reason, my silence,
it stays all the same,
without all this abstract nonsense;
I am trying to reach out,
I am striving to find a limelight,
wish to draw a picture,
like the one we saw in Florence.

There is a shortage of ideas,
a shortage of gas,
my tank is close to empty,
and I'd like to drink from your glass,
while we drive north of here,
with no direction at all,
fate is nothing but a mirror,
for all my sins and my soul.

Hospital

2008-11-14T23:58:00.001+01:00

I am standing here
wishing for an empty winter tree
that howls in the dark
without a trace of a spark
whilst the night fights a battle with me

Marbles

2008-11-13T08:50:00.001+01:00

Did anyone see my last marble

As it rolled out and over the floor?

It fell through a hole in the corner

Of a room in a town on a tour

It's lonely without your last marble

I miss it not rattling around

As I lie in my bed there's a space in my head

Where there used to be colours and sound...

(Steve H.)